At the heart of personal growth is self-knowledge.
The more we learn about ourselves the more open and flexible we become. However, when we blame others for our problems we ignore the fact that all of our discomfort has to do with us and us alone.
When we externalise our discomfort we remain contracted, rigid and self-righteous. If other people really had the power to cause our discomfort we would spend most of our energy trying to control and manipulate them. That really is a waste of time yet that is what many people spend much of their lives doing. How often in our interactions with others do we try to assert a position of power over others? This is an external response stimulated by the frightened parts of ourselves.
The solution to all our feelings of discomfort and fear lie within not without.
We have become experts at blaming others for the way we feel. For example, if someone says something that upsets us or behaves in a manner we interpret as rude we react against the internal feelings of upset (which have been generated by our own interpretation of what has happened) which we experience as a result of our personalising what someone else has done.
It is interesting to consider that what most upsets us about the behaviour of other people is almost always an aspect of ourselves which we disown. This is what Karl Jung called “dynamic projection”. In more modern terminology these self-projections have been described as our disowned dark sides. If you wish to learn more about this I recommend you read Debbie Ford’s “Dark side of the Lightchasers”.
One way to stop yourself reacting to behaviours you don’t like in other people is to consider for a moment what parts of you (and there will always be these parts) that exhibit these very behaviours in a different way. For example, if you always react when spoken to rudely or angrily try considering in what situations you have yourself acted in a similar manner. You will be surprised to discover that the perceived distance between you and other people is non-existent. We all have the capability to behave badly given the right circumstances.
When we recognise this we are not only able to feel compassion for others but more importantly we can feel compassion for ourselves. When we feel and express compassion we are in tune with the driving force of the universe “the power of love”. Please note however that feeling compassion for others is not a reason to stay in an abusive relationship or environment. Self-respect demands that we must always do what is required and respond in a manner which is life enhancing and sustaining.