The Second Agreement

“Don’t take things personally”

When you realise that everyone has created for themselves and lives within their own virtual reality or dream of life you can more easily understand that what another person says or does is not so much a comment about you personally but more a reflective comment about themselves and what they believe.

You can place two people in the same set of circumstances and still end up with two very distinct accounts of what happened. This is because everything we observe, do and say is filtered by our personal definitions and meanings which we have accepted and agreed form part of reality as we know it.This is our own virtual reality or movie about life.

We are the directors and stars of our own movies and everyone else plays the role of secondary characters. We have written our movie scripts according to our own stories and in languages unique to us.

As we have all had very unique and different experiences in life there is no surprise that what we see and convey about our observations will not be the same as others!

A good example of this is when say you consider your own family upbringing – which includes grandparents, mother, father, siblings. Your recollection of family life and how you perceive yourself within that family dynamic (your movie about family life where you are the star) will be quite different from that of the other players (and their movies where they are the stars).

Therefore taking what others say personally and reacting to that is not useful. Certainly listening to what others have to say  and considering their opinion is an important part of any relationship. However, that is not the same as accepting what is being said without any attempt to objectively (as far as that is possible) consider whether there is any merit to what is being said and responding to that later after checking in with other people you  trust and seeking their comment.

Another person’s point of view is just that – their opinion based on their own virtual reality. They are entitled to express their opinion but that does not mean that after due consideration we have to agree with them. We are free to have our own opinions.

So don’t take it all so personally and let others control you. You are free to dream your own dream which you can choose to change at any time.