Let’s make no bones about it parenting is a big job which becomes more problematic as our children become teenagers!

 Yet there are no instruction manuals supplied with our children when they are born and there are no formal educational programs we can undertake to better prepare ourselves for this huge responsibility.

 The skills that we bring to our role as parents are largely sourced from our own childhood observations and experiences. In short many of the skills we use in our own parenting roles are likely to be not too dissimilar from those used by our own parents in rearing us.

 If your parents struggled to know what to do then I’m guessing you are probably struggling as well. In spite of this most of us stumble along and do alright until our children reach their teens – yet as to how much this is due to good management or just plain good luck?

 If you had thought that you understood your child up to the age of 12 years old then hold on to your seat because when your child becomes a teenager you will most probably wake up one morning and think to yourself – who is this strange young person living with us?

 As a parent myself of four children I often find myself wondering if there is a better way that we can prepare ourselves for our parenting roles particularly as our children become teenagers.

  As parents our role up to the teenage years  is pretty much focused on nurturing our children and teaching them the rules of life (as we understand them) in an attempt to keep them safe.

 Parents can start to experience problems when they do not adjust their parenting styles to reflect the developmental changes in their children.

There comes a time when as parents we must recognize that while having clearly delineated boundaries and rules for our children is still important reinforcing these should become less of a priority over time with the provision of emotional support and encouragement starting to become more important for our children.

 As our children enter the teenage years they are well on the way to becoming individuals in their own right. This is often characterized by rebellious behavior which is significantly influenced by their peer groups. Spending time with family is actively avoided at all costs and communication consists of a series of grunts (and that is when they are in an outgoing mood!).

 Some parents start to wonder where their gorgeous little babies have gone! This is part of the problem right there. Our children are no longer babies! Instead of wanting our teenage children to be how we want them to be we need to re-adjust our expectations. As self-individuated human beings our teenage children are entitled to our respect and not our scorn.

 The key to being able to relate to your teenage child is understanding and effective communication. The latter can be problematic right across the board whether dealing with teenagers or other adults. This is so because we all constantly project our perceptions onto each other.

 We often communicate at cross purposes and don’t take the time to really understand the other person’s point of view. This is most obvious when the person we are communicating with appears to be “out of kilter” with our particular version of reality.

 In conclusion we should consider some points of note:

 We have taught our children well and to behave in certain ways by the time they are seven. If we don’t like what we see don’t blame the messenger!

• Our children are entitled to express their uniqueness as individuals. If that annoys you take a look in the mirror and reflect on your own annoying little habits.
•  Rules and discipline only work at certain ages. Know when to bang the drum!
•  Emotional support and constructive guidance are more important in the teenage years. It is important to remember that while our children are now physically and intellectually stronger and they see themselves as invincible they have very little real life experience and can get into difficulty extremely quickly. Serious problems arise when they feel isolated and unable to talk to an understanding and supportive parent.
•  There is a natural propensity for experimentation with what life has to offer during the teenage years. Guidance rather than “drum banging” is more useful to our teenagers who are likely to respond to the latter with cynical rebelliousness. They will do it anyway but you will just not know about it!
•  Parents should refrain from being directive and living vicariously through their teenager’s lives. Be prepared to encourage interests and talents. Remember that we are all different and have our own unique ways of learning.
•  Some of our children will flourish in a structured and linear education system while others will struggle. This is not because some children are less intelligent than others it is just that their particular form of intelligence is not encouraged or catered for in the predominant system.
•  Our teenagers will choose their own friends whether we like it or not.
•  Our teenagers need to be able to trust us and feel that they will not be ridiculed or shot down in flames if they come to us with a problem or to share a dream.