I think we all remember these infamous words from “Sleeping Beauty” which precede that often asked question.

These words still hold just as powerful message for us today as they did when we were children. The rest of the question is “who is the fairest of them all” and of course this is a question that we constantly ask ourselves as we navigate through our daily lives.

We make comparisons, we make judgments, we label people and things, we approve or disapprove and we criticise ourselves and others endlessly. We have developed identities and masks that we have decided will give is what we want – security and safety from harm and other people’s approval.

Yet in creating these “false” and illusory identities we have shut ourselves off from those “shadow” parts of us which we disown and repress. We call these “shadow” parts because they are different sides of the same coins of character that make up the primary identities which we parade around and display to others. These “shadow’ parts don’t fit with the self-created acceptable image we have of our selves.

These disowned parts lurk in the shadows waiting for acknowledgment. If we continue to ignore them and deprive them of life then they eventually find ways to avoid our defences and creap into the light of day and this is usually through causing us to unconsciously participate in self-sabotaging behaviours. These behaviours can have serious repercussions for us and the identities we have taken years to develop and nourish. We have all read about well known public figures who have taken stands against certain moral and/or political issues and who have later been found wanting themselves and participating in the very activities which they have taken a stand against.

The words ‘the bigger the front the larger the back” or “me thinks you protest too much” are very relevant here. This is because the reason that we react to certain personality traits and behaviours in others is that deep down within us we have chosen to ignore and hidden those parts we see in others which offend us and threaten our security and very survival.

We unconsciously project our disowned parts onto other people. When we see these traits in other people we recognise them and immediately react to their presence. We then decide that we do not like this or that person because they make us feel uncomfortable. Yet the real discomfort is with ourselves as we have chosen to dislike and disown parts of who we are. We can never truly be whole until we can embrace these parts and learn from them.

Our evolution to the next greatest version of ourselves requires us to live an examined life and the ability to accept all that we are and all that we are capable of being. That does not mean however that we act on impulses that may have negative consequences for us. It does require that we acknowledge and learn from those “shadow” parts and implement those in a constructive and positive manner.

The answer to the “wicked Queen’s” question is of course “you are the fairest of them all and so is everyone else.