This article is a follow up of sorts to my article on “Trigger Points”. As I see it life has an inbuilt imperative for growth. At a civilization level many centuries of growth are called evolution. This growth is usually preceded by some form of societal revolution which can be either gradual or fast depending upon the fertility of the ground for change.
In personal terms growth also is usually preceded by either a gradual process of intentional or unintentional change or as a result of some external pressure/trigger points. One of the interesting things about any change at any level is that there will inevitably be a certain level of opposition towards it. It is almost as if this is a necessary ingredient of the whole process.
Like when an ironworker has to stoke the furnace to reach a certain temperature to achieve the point where metal becomes fluid so it can be shaped to a desired outcome. It seems that the forces of “heat or pressure” are also needed to mould the shift from the status quo to something different.
At a personal level we will have all at some time experienced opposition either internally or externally to new decisions that have had the effect of moving us out of the status quo and our comfort zones. Our decisions are often precipitated by self-doubt and fear.
These elements can percolate for some time in our mental deliberations but eventually we tend to reach a point where we can either accept change as inevitable and move with it or we just can’t overcome our fears and doubts and retreat back to what is known and what feels safe and comfortable.
So, what is the real catalyst for personal change? Again, I come back to the idea of pressure.
If you have reached a point in your life where not to change is totally unacceptable because what you are currently experiencing is too painful or uncomfortable then you motivation or reason WHY is stronger than your fear and doubt, then your decision will already have been made. This is where the metal has reached melting point.
At other points in your life the pressure can be equalised and your decisions become harder. The metal is hot but not hot enough to be moulded. Not changing may not result in any immediately painful experiences and the fear of change weighs heavier.
So, you remain stuck in indecisiveness which in the long term can have bigger negative impacts than the imagined ones that are keeping you from moving forward right now.
One of the biggest influences on our decision making and personal growth is our fear of losing the financial security we have worked so hard and long for, security for ourselves and our families. Many of our decisions can have long term impacts on our ability to support ourselves and those we love. The fear that we may lose the ability to provide that support because we doubt our ability to succeed can kill a dream before it even takes hold.
The question then is how real is that fear? That fear is purely a projected illusion of what could happen in the future. It is not real in the present moment yet our thinking makes it seem real. So real you can almost taste and feel it.
This shows us the powerful link between our thoughts and our emotions, and it is our emotions that provide the fuel for our decisions. If we want to embrace change and to live to our true potential, then we need to become aware of our thoughts around that proposed change. Those thoughts need to be examined and tested.
The practical exercise of making a list of pros and cons is a good place to start. Also, the following questions can provide greater clarity: What opportunities are available to you if you make the change? How real are your fears and doubts? What skills and tools do you need and who could you consult who has been where you are? How close to the wharf does your boat need to be before you are prepared to jump ship? What is the worst-case scenario? What is the best-case scenario? Is there a way to build a bridge and transition rather than jump?
These are just some of the useful questions to ask. Of course, we can carry out these exercises and still be no closer to being able to make a decision.
Why? Because our entrenched beliefs at a subconscious level act as an anchor keeping us moored in place to continually be buffeted by the winds of change. What we believe is possible or not possible will determine our results in life. If we believe we can, we will and if we believe we can’t, we won’t. It’s really as simple as that.