These are the most recent in an ongoing series of articles on life, and life and business coaching. If you would like to read more, check out my latest eBook by clicking here.
SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND
We are all unique. Never dim your glow or uniqueness for anyone.
As the words of that immortal song ring out “Shine on you crazy diamond”!
No one can see life through your prescription lenses! Have you ever tried to borrow some one’s glasses and then realise that you can’t see a damn thing through them! Thats because those lenses were not made for you. As unique individuals we can all contribute to ours and others lives by remaining true to our vision of who we want to be and what we are called to do in life. This is our personal unique journey and for that reason don’t expect other people to understand or appreciate it.
One of the problems in modern society is that we have all become results focussed. How many likes did we get on Facebook? Did we get reassuring words of praise for our efforts? How much money have we made from our new venture? If we determine our happiness for what we have done by the number of positive responses or lack of those responses from other people, we will continue to be disappointed!
What society holds up as success is either never or rarely achievable or if it is only for a fleeting instant before we push on to the next version of what we think happiness and success looks like.
Instead, simply do each day what brings you the greatest joy and be present in those moments. Happiness can only be found in present moments not yesterdays or tomorrows.
If you are ready to explore your uniqueness and what you dream to do with your life let us help you on your journey and voyage of discovery.
In their lives most people operate within their current set point or live within their comfort zones.
Yet to get to their current comfort zones they have had to move beyond previous set points or comfort zones. However, with every new level there is always a new devil! This can be the obstacle that stops people moving forward and can keep them stuck. Some can remain stuck for the rest of their lives and end up looking back with regret on their lack of motivation and action.
If we know that the good fruit hangs from the high thinner branches of a tree, then there is a risk of a fall if we try to pick it. Yet if the fruit is tasty and juicy it is likely to be worth taking the risk.
The good things in life are our fruit. In order to experience the things in life that we know will explode our potential and purpose and allow us to be in more control of our destiny we need to be bold and push through our comfort zones.
To move beyond your current level, consider the following steps:
Firstly, make a decision to do something different to be in control of your future.
Secondly, create capabilities – if you need skills get them, take uncomfortable action, put yourself out there.
Thirdly, remember there are always consequences – if you don’t take action, you may miss out, you may lose your soul and not fulfil your purpose.
Fourthly, find that thing that drives you and create momentum. Daily progress towards your goals is crucial. You are only ever a few daily habits away from moving beyond your comfort zone.
Remember that success leaves clues. You can save yourself time and setbacks by engaging with others who have already achieved what you want.
As we get older, we can mentally and physiologically start to slow down.
This can create a perception that as we age, we can no longer be active participants in and contribute as much to our families, societies and local communities.
Many rest homes and villages are full of older people who have just accepted their lot and appear to have aged before their time. Their families ignore them and see them as a nuisance and a burden rather than people who are desperate to be seen and who are willing to contribute what they can.
The good news is that this does not have to be the norm. That in our older years we have a wealth of experience and wisdom to contribute to our families and communities. However, the work to change our experience in our golden years starts with us.
What can we do to ensure that we can experience our best lives as we age? Here are my 8 best tips:
First, never stop learning and growing. If we rest on our laurels believing we have lived so long there is nothing left for us to learn then we are destined to stagnate and fade away. See aging as a new beginning rather than an end.
Second, no longer put up with toxic people that don’t bring you happiness. Time is short and you need to create space for people who respect and uplift you and help you feel alive.
Third, if we have lived a long and full life, we will have acquired many things that can clutter up our mindsets and homes. It is important to carry out an inventory of those things and be prepared to throw out what no longer serves us as they can take up space we could use for new things.
Fourth, realise that happiness is an inside job. Other people are not responsible for and cannot bring you happiness. You are the only person that can make you happy by choosing how you feel at any given moment.
Fifth, be compassionate for yourself and other people. Let go of grudges and traumas as these only affect you not the people who were involved in the events that lead to these events and feelings. Focus on forgiveness. Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Move forward not backwards.
Sixth, let go of any regrets that you may have. Regret is a burden to carry and will weigh you down. It will steal your energy.
Seventh, it is never too late to start something new. Age is no barrier to acquiring new skillsets or knowledge.
Lastly, stay fit and strong. As the saying goes you are nothing without your health. This can be more challenging as we age as this is a time we can experience mental and physiological changes. We can also suffer from more chronic illness than in our younger years. The key to health and fitness as we age is fitness and strength training and the discipline to include that in your daily routine.
Embrace life and milk it for all its worth as there may not be another!!
How much of our lives do we spend trying to make other people happy? These may include family, wives, husbands, partners, friends, employers, fellow work mates and so on.
Not to state the obvious though, trying to make sure others are happy is an impossible task. At the end of the day everyone is responsible for their own happiness. How would life change for you if you put all that energy trying to make other people happy into just making yourself happy and content? What would that look and feel like? Daily life seems to involve us sacrificing and taking our time and attention away from the things that matter the most to us. We assume and convince ourselves that we need to trade our lives in order to survive and we make selfless pragmatic decisions based on this seemingly real assumption. But how real is this? How many people do you think spend their lives doing the very things that make them happy and contented and living a life of purpose? Probably a minority I would suggest. Yet there are those who have started with nothing or have come from abusive and traumatic backgrounds and environments, yet they have become the best versions of themselves and are living their dream lives. Why then the difference between those of us who are succeeding in living their best lives and those of us who are not? I suggest that maybe those of us who are not living our best lives have fallen victim to the comfort trap. We have gotten comfortable with our lot in life even though it doesn’t make us happy or contented. It’s that old comfort zone thing! If you came from a relatively stable and comfortable family life growing up, then it is likely you will seek to replicate this as you grow and establish your own life. You will have a stability and comfort focussed mindset and may be risk adverse, rest on your laurels and focussed on preserving what you already have. If you struggled growing up and learned that life can be hard, painful and unfair you will believe that you need to take it by the horns and to fight for what you want. This will create a very different mindset focus and you will be driven to do things, never be satisfied and push the envelope. Thats not to say that this is a hard and fast rule because there will be people on both sides who do the opposite, but it is likely they are the exception rather than the rule. Here’s something for you to consider. Would one day of unbridled and unlimited happiness and contentment outweigh a lifetime of drudgery, depression and regret? To put this into perspective we only ever really have the present moment as the past is history and the future hasn’t yet happened. We could potentially drop-dead tomorrow, so our prolonged life potentiality is illusory anyway. The good news is that we don’t have to limit ourselves to just one special day. Imagine what it would be like if every day you woke up feeling excited and happy to spend your day doing the very things that light you up and give you purpose. How would this feel rather than marking time and trading your time for a pay cheque instead? This does not have to happen immediately in a “burn your bridges moment” it is sometimes useful to wait until the boat gets closer to shore before you jump into the water. It can be more about progress and momentum and a graduated transition instead. Remember the last thing you will want at the end of your life is to have regrets. So, what do you need to change – do you need to leave that job that is sucking away your energy and enthusiasm leaving you feeling depleted, or do you need to leave that relationship you have stayed in for far too long and which no longer serves you or do you need to review your friendships and cut loose some that just drag you down? If you want help getting clarity on what you need to do talk to us at self-m powered coaching.co.nz. BREAK THROUGH MOMENTSSO how do you intentionally make an important change in your life, one that you know without a doubt will be a breakthrough moment?
The first step is to develop a supportive psychology. Our physiology affects our psychology. For example, if we are in a weak or slumped physical state then we won’t see opportunities or possibilities like we would if we were in an energised and strong state. Movement is key here. This is so important if anything we do is 80% psychology and 20% action. Where energy flows focus goes!
The second step is to identify what might hold us back. This could be a limiting story or belief such as “I have tried before and failed why while this time be any different”, ” I have been told I will not amount to anything” or I am not good enough.” Once Identified you need to replace this story or belief with one that serves you.
The third step is to find the right strategy. Often times success leaves clues so modelling what someone else has done can save you time and help avoid obstacles or you may choose to engage a coach or mentor to keep you accountable. You may need to learn a new skill.
Finally taking action is essential. If you fail to act, then you plan to fail. Do something now not later. Even something small will create momentum. You don’t have to burn all your bridges at once but if you do decide to do that you will save time.
TRIGGER POINTS
The observation I would make about what gets people to make important changes in their lives is that things have to reach a pressure point (“trigger point”) before there is enough leverage to spark the change.
So why can’t we often get on the front foot and be proactive with the change that we know would greatly benefit us and instead leave things until it is almost too late to do anything about them. The answer I would suggest is that the pleasure we know we will experience in making change is not as strong as the fear of being hurt or feeling pain if we go against what we believe is true. We have ingrained into us limiting beliefs that no longer serve us which are so rigid we hang on to them for grim death (sometimes it can end up like that literally). Hopefully before that happens, we get a big enough wakeup call that the fear of the consequences not changing outweighs the fear of moving away from our limited version of truth. For example, a visit to your doctor’s office brings some unexpected bad news – the tests reveal you have the beginnings of lung cancer! So, you are faced with a choice – to keep smoking and almost certainly become very ill and possibly die or to give up smoking and at least with treatment have the possibility of being in remission after time. It may be that you had tried over many years to give up smoking and had tried many options to help with that, but it never stuck. It is most likely that now after the doctor’s news, you will go “cold turkey” and stop smoking immediately. Why now? Well, the fear of death is far bigger than the fear that if you give up you will feel stressed and anxious again, you will lose your confidence, that you have tried before and failed, you will lose friends who also smoke, or whatever other beliefs have kept you smoking all those years notwithstanding attempts to give up. You have at last reached your “Trigger Point”. So many of our ingrained beliefs which have often been there from childhood disempower us and stop us from achieving our true potential. We do not know that we are not in charge of own ship and that someone or something else has control over the rudder. We do not realise that the reason we overeat and struggle to lose weight is because of something that happened to us when we were small children. We are not aware that historic trauma leads us to self-sabotage and prevents us from experiencing long-term fulfilling relationships. We are not aware that feelings of not being good enough to our parents have created perfectionist tendencies and result in procrastination and the list goes on. For many of us our lives are lived on autopilot, and we are guided by default settings which may have been useful to us at some point in our life but are no longer. It’s like trying to navigate around town using an out-of-date map. You just end up either going round in circles or never reaching your destination. Fortunately, we do not have to have a gunfight to change our programming in advance of reaching our trigger points. The simple act of attributing greater pain to hanging on to our limiting beliefs will help us shift to more empowering ones which will support us in making those decisions we need to make to ensure we reach our goals and achieve our full potential. Self-awareness is crucial. An unexamined life produces unremarkable results. Looking inwards is strength. Being vulnerable is strength. Being prepared to change before life forces change on you is strength. How strong to you feel? Would you rather wait it out until the gunfight at the “Am I Okay Coral” or get on your horse now and head off towards a bigger and brighter future? Your choice or someone else’s?SUCCESS PRINCIPLES
Principle One – Audit your Inner Circle. Waiting for others to give you the thumbs up for what you want to do will slow you or even stop you from doing what you need to do. Instead, just be you and do it. Don’t expect others to be able to see through your prescription lenses. Your dream is your dream and not anyone else’s.
Principle Two – Solve Bigger Problems. The levels of stress you experience with small problems is about the same you experience with bigger problems. Look to getting better at solving bigger problems.
Principle Three– It’s all on you. No none is coming to save you. Even when times are tough people still succeed and prosper. It’s up to you and what you choose to do.
Principle Four– Who is steering your ship. Are you the captain of your ship or has someone or something else got control of the rudder? Are things that have happened in the past preventing you from living a full life. Is it past regret, guilt or feeling not good enough keeping you looking in the rear-view mirror instead of ahead?
Principle Five – Meet every day with the intention of being the best version of yourself. Results will follow.
Principle Six – Be bold. Take uncomfortable action and extend the threshold of your comfort zone. Tackle things you have been avoiding.
Principle Seven – Focus on the solution instead of on what happened and who is to blame. Focussing on the problem will only make it seem bigger and will create negative energy. You will not find a solution in a negative mindset. Learn from what happened and move forward with positive energy.
Principle Eight – Look for little shifts. Small hinges swing big doors. What could you do on a daily and weekly basis to move you closer to what you want? Start your day with an empowering routine. Take a new weekly course or training.
Principle Nine – Persist until you succeed. Keep moving beyond challenges and setbacks. Even if you fall over pick yourself up and dust yourself off and learn what went wrong and do it differently next time. Success could just be around the next corner. If you give up prematurely life will go back to what it was previously and that did not make you happy or you would not have attempted change.
Principle Ten – Who not the how. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Find someone who has already done what you want to do and model what they have done. This will save you time and help you avoid pitfalls.
PAIN AND PLEASURE
Two of the most powerful influences on whether we make the right or any decisions at all will depend upon two things – pain or pleasure and the weight we attribute to each.
If we are for example thinking about a major change such as resigning from a job to start a new business, then the idea of being our own boss and in control of our destiny will be the pleasure pull for this decision, yet this will be tempered by the fear of the unknown and the fear of failure and the pain that may cause us.
Moving out of our usual comfort zone into the threshold of change will be a challenge for many of us particularly if we have spent a long time in it.
Sometimes fear will stop us in our tracks and even if we are not happy where we are we may choose to stay put and tolerate less than we know we deserve. In that situation we can remain stuck until life gives us another shove in the direction of change.
Life is all about growth. We can either embrace growth and consciously make decisions about our future or be dragged kicking and screaming into it once our trigger points have been reached and we can tolerate the status quo no longer.
The old adage “feel the fear and do it anyway” encourages us to be scared but to still make decisions for our best future in 2025. The biggest and best fruit are always at the top of the tree. It will be worth the climb in the long term.
Sure, it may not be smooth sailing, there may indeed be some pain. What doesn’t kill us can makes us stronger. Lessons are learned and we can pick ourselves up and keep on climbing and even though the fruit at the top of the tree may not be exactly as we had envisioned; it will taste even sweeter.
Embrace the new year with renewed energy and decide for yourself what your best future will look like. As always, we are here to support you on your journey.
Well, it’s that time of year again. The end of one year and the start of a new one.
A new year does not always mean a new you or anything different from previous years. We can face the same obstacles, excuses and distractions as previous years. They don’t magically disappear at the strike of 12pm New Years Eve!
This time should not be about resolutions you will forget by February. It should be about a decision of some kind. This decision should be about not waiting to chase your dreams. It should be about doing something right now no matter how small or big. Just start. You don’t need to have all the answers now. You can figure it out. Trial and error are ok as you learn more from your failures than your successes.
Once you decide to do something you will notice opportunities cropping up that support your decision.
So, as you welcome in the New Year what’s one thing you can decide to do and act on now so you can become the person you want to be and to do the things you want.
WHEN WE MEAN TO BUT DON’T DO
The race has started to get all those last-minute things done we have been meaning to do before the end of the year! This seems to happen this time every year.
What would it be like if we didn’t have to run around like headless chickens trying to cram all that stuff in, we meant to do this year before the clock hits 12 on 31 December.
It would certainly make life less stressful! We might even get more done perhaps.
Most of the things we try to get done at this time of year are things we had been meaning to do during the year. When we mean or intend to do something it usually means it’s been on the list, but we never got round to it.
Converting those “meaning to’s” into reality requires planning, preparation and time specific action. However, when we boil down where we spend most of our time it will likely be working to survive in a job.
Unless we force ourselves to take time out of the rat race to focus on ourselves and what we want from life much of what we want for ourselves will never happen. Our lives slip by quickly. Nobody wants to have regrets at the end.
Committing to a coaching programme is your opportunity to convert those “”meaning to’s” into “done and dusted’s”. There is value in making a commitment to yourself and your dreams for a better life. All you need is a desire to do things differently than you have always done. Your comfort zone is not your friend. Life really begins outside this zone. It may not be easy. It will require courage, but it will be worth it.
If you are in business and want to make 2025 the best year you have ever had then you will need to examine:
Your Mindset: if you believe you can – you will and if you believe you can’t – you won’t. This is often the most neglected part of business. We bring ourselves into everything we do. Are we holding ourselves back?
Your Marketing: this is the oxygen for your business. It influences, persuades and is a service. How can you make that more effective and reach more potential customers?
Creating Momentum: how do you make your success sustainable? Remember small hinges swing big doors! Small consistent progress will help you go the distance.
Our business coaching courses can help you to take the time out from your busy days to focus on yourself and your business direction. It also provides accountability for making sure you do what you say you are going to do.
PURPOSE
IN TIME
As humans we have always been fascinated with the idea of time. There is the practical aspect of time such as how many hours there are in the day and what you can fit into those hours. Then there are the ideas of past and future time. It has been said that time is illusory because the only time we have is right now and that what happened in the past stays there and what may happen in the future has not yet happened. However, we can run into problems when we bring past or future time into our present time. The former can bring guilt, shame, and grief and the latter fear, worry and stress. If we spend much of our present time occupied with past or future time, we can miss out on life right now and the opportunities it brings with it.REGRET IS HEAVY
Imagine you are 98 years old and about to die and you have regrets about not living to your full potential. What could you do today to avoid having those regrets? The truth is you already know what those regrets will be so why not do something today to solve those. We can have so many “I should of” moments in life. Why not make the decision today to change at least one of those moments into an I will moment? Make a plan to avoid your regret How would that change your life for the better?THE FEEDBACK LOOP
“Sow a thought, reap an action, sow an action, reap a habit, sow a habit reap a character, sow a character reap a destiny” AnonymousTHE LOOP
Events + data (information) = truth (meaning) + thoughts + emotions + actions = results which produce events: No result (event) can occur without some form of action being taken.- No action can be taken without an emotional driver.
- Most emotions are generated by a prior thought (NB body/chemical impacts).
- Many of our thoughts comprise unconscious thinking patterns that have been generated as a consequence of what we believe about life (our filter of perspective or personal truths).
- Our personal truths are the unique meanings we have attributed to what we have experienced in life so far (events).
- Poor information in = poor results