How much of our lives do we spend trying to make other people happy? These may include family, wives, husbands, partners, friends, employers, fellow work mates and so on.
Not to state the obvious though, trying to make sure others are happy is an impossible task. At the end of the day everyone is responsible for their own happiness.
How would life change for you if you put all that energy trying to make other people happy into just making yourself happy and content? What would that look and feel like? Daily life seems to involve us sacrificing and taking our time and attention away from the things that matter the most to us. We assume and convince ourselves that we need to trade our lives in order to survive and we make selfless pragmatic decisions based on this seemingly real assumption.
But how real is this? How many people do you think spend their lives doing the very things that make them happy and contented and living a life of purpose? Probably a minority, I would suggest. Yet there are those who have started with nothing or have come from abusive and traumatic backgrounds and environments, yet they have become the best versions of themselves and are living their dream lives.
Why then the difference between those of us who are succeeding in living their best lives and those of us who are not? I suggest that maybe those of us who are not living our best lives have fallen victim to the comfort trap. We have gotten comfortable with our lot in life even though it doesn’t make us happy or contented.
It’s that old comfort zone thing! If you came from a relatively stable and comfortable family life growing up, then it is likely you will seek to replicate this as you grow and establish your own life. You will have a stability and comfort focussed mindset and may be risk adverse, rest on your laurels and focussed on preserving what you already have. If you struggled growing up and learned that life can be hard, painful and unfair you will believe that you need to take it by the horns and to fight for what you want. This will create a very different mindset focus and you will be driven to do things, never be satisfied and push the envelope.
That’s not to say that this is a hard and fast rule because there will be people on both sides who do the opposite, but it is likely they are the exception rather than the rule. Here’s something for you to consider. Would one day of unbridled and unlimited happiness and contentment outweigh a lifetime of drudgery, depression and regret? To put this into perspective we only ever really have the present moment as the past is history and the future hasn’t yet happened.
We could potentially drop-dead tomorrow, so our prolonged life potentiality is illusory anyway. The good news is that we don’t have to limit ourselves to just one special day. Imagine what it would be like if every day you woke up feeling excited and happy to spend your day doing the very things that light you up and give you purpose. How would this feel rather than marking time and trading your time for a pay cheque instead? This does not have to happen immediately in a “burn your bridges moment” it is sometimes useful to wait until the boat gets closer to shore before you jump into the water. It can be more about progress and momentum and a graduated transition instead.
Remember the last thing you will want at the end of your life is to have regrets. So, what do you need to change – do you need to leave that job that is sucking away your energy and enthusiasm leaving you feeling depleted, or do you need to leave that relationship you have stayed in for far too long and which no longer serves you or do you need to review your friendships and cut loose some that just drag you down?
If you want help getting clarity on what you need to do, talk to us.